Being called masculine, as a woman, is an odd one. I have been called masculine many times, either due to the way I act, look or even sit. Should I take this as a compliment or as an insult?
Society has brought girls and boys up to act in a certain way. For boys, being strong and self-sufficient is a stereotypical role that society tells men to be, and if they are not these things they must feel ashamed. For girls, they must be slim, and beautiful, and rely on men for ALL of their needs. Even though, as a feminist, I don’t want to conform to societal norms when I get called masculine I feel both upset and angry. But why? Upset that I am not feminine enough for society, yet at the same time outraged that someone could possibly deem an action masculine.
My confusion with the term masculine started when I was 10, when a teacher came up to me and said that I shouldn’t be sitting like a man because it isn’t “lady-like”. Even at that age, I thought that was bloody weird, why can’t I sit comfortably just because I’m a girl? It then digressed to a family member saying I shouldn’t do gymnastics because I “don’t have the body for it”. What is the ‘right’ body to do gymnastics? I know I have broad shoulders and hips, and not a very slim physique, also known as a masculine body, but that shouldn’t prohibit someone from doing something. I must admit those words have stuck with me and even made me stop doing it, even though I enjoyed and was good at it, not that I would’ve pursued it as a career. It even continued in partners I’ve had, one repeatedly saying I “look like a man”, was this a compliment… I doubt it! Similarly, at this point, I had been going to the gym working on weights, and the same person said that I “lift like a man”, in the context some may view it as a compliment, however, it is a sexist comment, no doubt about that, because why isn’t it a female quality to be strong? Even recently, there was a problem with my flatmates and my dishwasher, so instinctively I rushed to fix it, after finding a solution I was called the “manly woman” of the flat because I “can handle myself and take care of responsibilities”. This didn’t upset me, this angered me. It is not just the comment but also the naivety and complete ignorance that they were being sexist. I argued that the action of problem-solving isn’t gendered but it sadly wasn’t understood.
This is why I wanted to write this article. I felt compelled to write something, mainly as an attempt to clarify my own thinking but also to help others who may be feeling the same as me when I get called this.
Men are stereotypically leaders, confident, independent, and strong; society deems men as the “superior gender”, so in some cases, it could be interpreted as an attempt to compliment someone, because you must therefore be better than the stereotypical woman. This then leads to a world full of competition between women to be better than each other, which is already seen in our day-to-day lives. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to see that, I want everyone to help each other to be their best selves. With a feminist stance in mind, being a leader, or independent should never be deemed a masculine trait, it should just be viewed as a good quality to have, without a gendered label stuck to it. Despite the fact I want to rebel against social norms, I still feel pain when I’m not seen as feminine, maybe that’s my own insecurities about how I look or an unconscious belief that the only way I can be seen as acceptable is if I am a fragile woman in need of constant support and guidance from a male figure.
Like I said before, I am writing this in an attempt to get clarity for myself, and in the process hopefully help you when this happens. This means I don’t have a right or wrong answer on how to feel when you get called masculine. But I do know that society has improved in many ways, and the world is more accepting and open-minded (most of the time). I wish I didn’t care what society labelled me as, but equally I wish society didn’t label me at all. The best way to resolve this is to educate. Educate others on the language they use, and don’t be afraid to call someone out for a sexist remark because that is the only way society will learn. Through compelling others to think before they speak and understand the language they are using.
Personally, I have been coy about using the word ‘sexist’ to describe someone being sexist, maybe because I don’t want to start an argument or for some inconspicuous reason I feel that calling someone sexist is too harsh of a term for a person that potentially isn’t educated or aware of the impact their comment has.